


geraniums

by orphan_account



Category: Pandora Hearts
Genre: Implied/Referenced Dubcon, M/M, Repulsed Asexual Character, Sibling Incest, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 22:30:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3093920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It only happens once. Fumbling hands and kiss-red lips in one of the bedrooms after some ridiculous party at the Nightray estate, and it’s sick and it’s wrong and Vincent prays to gods that he doesn’t believe in that Elliot won’t remember come morning.</p>
<p>(in the language of flowers, geraniums stand for stupidity and folly)</p>
            </blockquote>





	geraniums

**Author's Note:**

> my vincent is a repulsed asexual who's still slept around for his own gains - that's where the implied dubious consent comes in, on his end. if that or the idea of discussion of that makes you uncomfortable then please backspace now!
> 
> (sorry, it was so difficult to try to find tags that even remotely explained things gosh)

It only happens once. Fumbling hands and kiss-red lips in one of the bedrooms after some ridiculous party at the Nightray estate, and it’s sick and it’s wrong and Vincent prays to gods that he doesn’t believe in that Elliot won’t remember come morning, because he--  
  
(because Vincent is fucked up and that’s nothing new, but Elliot _isn’t_ and yet here they are, his lips on Elliot’s neck and his hand on Elliot’s cock)  
  
“Elliot,” he breathes, over and over like a mantra, little soft gasps and breaths as though he’s the one being touched even though he’s batted Elliot’s hands away every time he so much as _tried_. Over and over he breathes Elliot’s name; a mantra, a reminder, a reminder that it’s the _wrong_ brother, a reminder that he’s doing something he’d have hated himself for succumbing to even with Gilbert.  
  
It’s worse with Elliot. Because he’s younger, because he’s not Vincent’s _real_ brother, because he’s the reason Gilbert could smile in this place; Vincent doesn’t _know_ , and that’s half the problem, that he doesn’t _know_ what’s the worst part of it.  
  
(the fact that there’s no way to justify it as being for Gilbert, he’ll realise later, in the way that he could probably twist around even this same kind of activity with Gilbert himself; the fact that it’s _selfish_ , when everything Vincent _is_ is supposed to be focused on what will help Gil in the end)  
  
He only stops repeating Elliot’s name when he shifts to occupy his mouth another way. Occupy it with Elliot’s cock twitching hot and wet under his lips and in his mouth, because at least this way he can distract himself from the shame and shut his eyes and just focus on the weight of it in his mouth, the heat of it on his tongue. Because _that_ at least is nothing new; the noblewomen are easier to find his way into bed with, true, but it’s not as if Vincent hasn’t bedded men as well for the sake of his goals.  
  
(there are few ways Vincent wouldn’t let his body be used, for the sake of it never having happened in the first place)  
  
Even if the sensation is nothing new, though, he still can’t fully distract himself. Not with Elliot’s voice ringing out above him, sharp little choked-back moans and wet gasps and _Vincent, fuck, **Vincent**_ , bitten out in a way that he’d probably think were almost reverent if he didn’t know Elliot as well as he does.  
  
 _Don’t_ , he thinks, _don’t say my name like I’m anything better than fucked up_. He doesn’t say it, though. Doesn’t do more than keep on sucking Elliot’s cock like he’s starved for it, until Elliot’s coming with a strangled noise and he’s swallowing it down, more out of the desire to not leave evidence than any particular enjoyment. Doesn’t do more than brush Elliot’s hands away with a soft _it’s fine_ when Elliot reaches for his cock in return.  
  
It’s not even a lie, really, not when he’s barely half-hard and under normal circumstances being touched at all in such a way would make his skin crawl, would be a necessity to bear rather than something he’d actually desire at all. The fact that he’s even half-hard - the fact that it might be even a little less than repulsive in these circumstances, let alone potentially enjoyable - is only another sign of how _messed up_ he is, in the end, only another thing to demonstrate why erasing himself is the only right choice he can make in anything.  
  
(it doesn’t stop him from having to look away from the confusion-giving-way-to-irritation that blooms across Elliot’s face, having to keep his eyes off the blotchy flush spreading across Elliot’s cheeks like he’s finally realised that maybe he ought to be ashamed of what they’ve done, too)  
  
(he shouldn’t - shouldn’t feel shame for his father having adopted someone _wrong_ the way that Vincent is, someone who ought not to exist at all - but that would be too heavy to say now and so Vincent only looks away, mismatched eyes drifting across the room so as to be looking anywhere other than Elliot)  
  
“Right,” Elliot is saying abruptly now, all prickling shame and anger at that shame in his voice, “Well. Fine. Yes.”  
  
It’s hardly eloquent. Just barked syllables before Elliot drags his clothes back on and hurries out - briefly turning to mutter out a _goodnight, Vincent_ , as though that will erase this or make things less awkward - but they feel like enough of a punch to the gut even so that Vincent can’t do more than breathe out _goodnight, Elliot_ in return, too soft to hear. Can’t do more than stare across the room and let out sharp, painful breaths like he’s winded and think about the fact that, look, now there’s another person who’ll be better off once Vincent Nightray never existed. Another one on an endless list altogether, another one on the much shorter list where he actually _cares_ , and even that’s something he’s done _wrong_ because _that_ list is supposed to be Gil and Gil alone.  
  
(too soon, _too soon_ , Elliot will die and he’ll say _I’m sorry, Leo_ , for Vincent to pass on and some small, sick part of Vincent will cry out that there were no words for _him_ , and he’ll hate himself all the more for it, strive to erase himself all the more for it)  
  
(for now, though, he just keeps on staring across the room; just keeps wondering when he can stop existing so he’ll stop feeling _empty_ )


End file.
